We Can Never Be The Same

Here is my newest song. Let me know what you think.

Movie Review! Yay!

So tonight I saw the popular Eclipse. Now I never finished reading the series because I got so frustrated that this young girl was in love with a vampire. I just can't relate. I understand the difficulty in finding a decent guy but I have not reduced my desperate situation to pursuing another species! This film glorifies her dilemma: vampire or wolf? How about a man? Sure men aren't perfect but come on! They aren't that bad. Granted, sometimes they aren't that different from vampires or wolves. I mean, they always want to bite your neck, they run faster than you, they smell bad sometimes, and they usually are quite warmer in body temperature. Still, most of them won't kill you!

One of the first things I noticed about the film is that everyone is wearing a hoodie, except Jacob, of course. I'm not sure if this is a northwest fashion statement but I was so glad that I had my white hoodie. I felt like a true Twilighter (that's my new nickname for the Twilight groupies). I also noticed that before the little battle, the Cullen family were all adorned in their black jackets. I think I'm going to get my family to sport that style in our next family photo. And, if we are feeling really ambitious, maybe we'll use make up to make our skin a lighter, yay!

Now, this film is a drama but I found myself laughing hysterically at times. The first time was when bitter bridezilla sought revenge on her fiance for beating her in the streets thus leading to her becoming a vampire. This scene was so shocking, I couldn't help but laugh out loud because it seemed so ridiculous. However, I can't lie, I was scared! I always pictured that when a bride entered a room to meet her man it would be with a smile....not fangs! I thought, "Yikes! If I was a man I'd never get married after seeing that image!" So if your man is now getting cold feet, it's your fault for dragging him to see this movie in the first place! Shoot, it makes me scared to put on a wedding dress!

I also laughed during the battle when the vampires would break like mannequins. I'm sorry, but I just can't feel bad when people break like glass. It's just so ridiculous.

Now I want to address an important lesson taught in this film. In the movie it shows two incidents when a seductive female vampire falsely proclaimed her love to get man to lead an army of vampires to serve her own selfish purpose. What do we learn? First, women lie, especially when they are vampires. Second, don't fall in love with a female vampire. Third, anytime someone says they love you and then asks you to kill someone, you should probably reevaluate the way you select who you date. "Best bite" should probably not be a determining criterion.

Thanks to this film I have come to several conclusions for myself:

1. Still like men, human men.

2. I'm cool because I own multiple hoodies.

3. I'm grateful to be a woman or I could be at risk to be seduced by one of these demonic female vampires.

4. Taylor Lautner is the best looking 18-year-old I've ever seen

5. I want to make out in a field of purple flowers

Thoughts on recent events

First, I must start off with the saddest news of all. The love of my life is getting engaged to someone else! Yes, George the grocery store bagger has found love with a woman and that woman is not me! After stalking my sister he helped her with her groceries and proceeded to tell her about his upcoming engagement. I'm so disappointed. He really was my last hope. Now I'll be forever pining for my lost love. Sigh...

Second, let's talk about Arizona. Okay, so we have a serious problem in this nation with illegal immigrants and no one can deny that. While I understand that the law seems like it is targeting illegal immigrants...well, you're right, it is! Duh! Look, if some guy sneaks across the border and is speeding on the highway with his driving privilege (which baffles me that they don't check for legal status when this is issued) and the officer checks to see if he is legal, I don't see the big deal. Aren't the police supposed to be monitoring illegal activities. If police are doing a drug bust and they go into the house and a man is raping a woman, can they not arrest him cause they are only supposed to be there for the drugs? Come on! Illegal is illegal. But my real issue isn't with this law. It's with the fact that the federal government can't do it's job right and keeps putting it's nose in the wrong places. I worked on capitol hill and heard someone say that air conditioning was the down fall of this country because then congress could work all year round. Before AC, congressmen had real jobs and served the public. Now they are just politicians who are trying to control our lives. I was going to go into politics but when I did an internship at the Subcommittee on regulatory affairs I learned that this country runs on bull sh*t. I can't believe the ridiculous laws that are passed. The Founding Fathers knew what they were doing and we've spent the last 65 years screwing it up.

My favorite things

So here are ten new and old favorite things of mine:

1. rock climbing- the most fun way to be reminded of how much you weigh. haha.

2. body combat- kicks my butt every time.

3. Edamame-so yummy!

4. chocolate milk- I think I'm reverting back to my childhood days

5. John Steinbeck novels- amazing author. Truly captures human nature.

6. Pilates- strengthen those abs!

7. Slumdog Millionaire- wow! One of the most creative, heart wrenching, and inspiring films I've ever seen.

8. Pantene Pro-V flat to volume- my hair is so soft! Feels like it just got cut.

9. French pedicure

10. Playing the guitar- I just love love love music! Can't wait till I get a piano also.

Why

So lately I've been thinking about the "why" behind poor choices. And I've come to a conclusion. Now, there are some people in life who make bad decisions because they really are evil. And then there is the rest of us. People who make bad decisions for sometimes reasons we ourselves can't identify. Coming from a religious background, I grew up always thinking that when someone sinned it was because they lacked spiritual strength. However, I have come to realize that are two reasons good people make bad choices: one is that they lack spiritual strength, and the other is that they lack emotional strength. The problem is that the two are very connected. Each strength enables you to have greater strength in the other area.

What can happen is that we might develop one and fail to develop the other. However, this lack of development in one area can hinder the development of the other and even thwart all the efforts we've made to develop that strength.

This can occur in a culture that emphasizes spirituality and fails to ensure that people understand what true spiritual strength requires: emotional strength. This may be why you see a church leader that has displayed great spiritual power and then later you hear that he has had an affair or an addiction or that maybe he has abused someone. You feel betrayed. But if you take a closer look you begin to see that most people aren't the way we see them. We see a snapshot of a person, and while a picture says 1,000 words, that is not enough to understand an individual. Most of try to only show our good sides because that is what we believe we truly are inside. However, the truth is that we all have very deep rooted insecurities and very few of us ever confront those demons until the life of a relationship is threatened by them. This is why relationships are so important. They help develop the character of the individual.

So does someone have an affair because he doesn't believe in the ten commandments? Probably not. There is an emotional need that is not being filled. Most people don't recognize how serious the need is until they are trapped in a love triangle. Same with a person that is addicted to pornography. No one in their right mind wants to be enslaved to any addiction. But that person has an emotional deficiency. Most addicts that I know resorted to a substance or pornography because it took them out of their reality into a happier place. Their choice had nothing to do with spirituality but was a result of lacking emotional strength to confront the difficulties of their lives. Many of these people are really good people. They can be kinder than most others and many have strong feelings towards deity.

I am in no way trying to justify bad decisions but in order to stop making bad decisions or help others from doing so, it is important to understand what influences our decisions. The hardest part is recognizing what you lack or what you need before you find yourself in a vulnerable situation. This is why many of us learn the hard way. Learning the hard way isn't always a bad thing. The lesson that is the hardest to learn is often the one that we never forget.

I'm not quite sure how you can sustain spiritual strength without emotional strength. For many years I have heard that praying and reading your scriptures would solve all your problems. And while I do believe these things do help an individual develop spiritual strength and peace, real healing and growth occurs when we change who we are. This requires first, looking within and really admitting to ourselves who we are. Once we truly accept ourselves for the good and bad in us, then we can better apply spiritual teachings. It is not enough to know where you want to end up. We must know where we are starting from.

About 6 years ago I was invited by some friends to hike Mt. Timpanogas. The plan was to leave at midnight so that we could be at the top of the mountain at dawn. We had fasted that day and I said to my cousin after eating the one and only meal we had eaten that day, "let's go to bed right now so we won't be tired." At midnight we packed a little bag with a few water bottles and I threw in some fruit snacks in case we got hungry. We had been told that the hike would be six hours. Well, we didn't make it to the top before dawn. By 9:00am, we were starved and had just reached the top. I was used to a lot physical activity but cousin wasn't and she was tired. Luckily our friends had made extra sandwiches and had prepared more adequately for the hike. We finally got back down to the base at 1:00pm. Turned out that we had taken the wrong trail so that is why the hike had been longer and more difficult.

I share this story because it illustrates the importance of knowing our strengths and limitations and the journey we face. Too many of us don't want to know where the starting line is because knowing the distance to the top is intimidating. Unfortunately, if we don't know the distance, we find ourselves ill prepared for the journey. We may not pack enough water or food. We may think the hike is short and we won't need sunscreen or a first aid kit. So we end up burnt and sometimes scarred because we weren't able to take care of wounds immediately. And I can tell you my cousin wasn't happy that I brought her on that hike. Sometimes our loved ones might feel that way about the journey that we take them on.

As we willingly look into our hearts and admit our limitations, we can develop emotional and spiritual strength to make good decisions. My friend share with me an interesting quote:

"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who would rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet."

I love the second part. Many of us, and even myself included, are scared to meet their own hearts in their closet. But I believe that as we do so, we will make better decisions and we really will become the better side that we try to display to the rest of the world.

More music

Here are a few more songs I've written

The Surgery...

Alrighty folks, it's time! Now that my blog has been up for a while I feel like we can talk about some more serious matters. Surgery. Not just any surgery. Breast Implants. No, I am not contemplating getting implants. That would put me up with Pamela Anderson, someone I avoid associating with. And no, I never got this surgery.

Now, my father is a plastic surgeon, so I am grateful for the vain and insecure who made my life possible. Thanks! :) I must preface this by saying plastic surgery is such a blessing. How awesome that should tragedy strike we can help someone look like their original self! However, this boob job thing is getting a little crazy!

First, let's discuss the graduation present.

Many 18-year-old girls get breast implants as a graduation gift from their parents. I'm against this. Why? Well, first because at 18, you may continue to grow...and this includes certain body parts. Second, what message is this parent trying to send their child?! "I feel guilty that your mother and I failed you the first time and didn't pass along the "big boobs" gene, so now I'll make it up to you." Or is the message, "You should be insecure! You're flat! You'll never catch a boy looking like that!"

The other problem with getting this surgery at such a young age is that you will inevitably need to get a second surgery. Although, one may think that fake boobs void out the law of gravity, they don't. Gravity works the same on all women.

Now I would say that most women get a boob job for one of three reasons.

1. To reconstruct their breasts after surgery for breast cancer.

2. To feel more feminine or attractive and eliminate insecurities about their body.

3. A man has requested that she get the surgery.

The first one is obviously necessary and I find no moral dilemma with it. The second is where most people find moral ambiguity. Here is my problem with the second reason. We have a society that degrades women so much that a woman elects to undergo major surgery with many risks in order to fit the model of a perfect female figure. I just don't feel good about women electing to do something so painful when they should have never felt pressured into it in the first place.

This brings us to the third point. The man's request. I remember when I was young, a couple of my mom's friends got breast implants "to save their marriage." Look, if the success or happiness of your marriage depends on the wife's boobs, well, you've got serious problems. You picked the wrong man! Now, they may say we have equal rights, but tell me this, do you think I would ever ask my husband to undergo major surgery and enlarge a body part with the possibility that he would lose sensation in that body part? What man would agree to that? He wouldn't. Yes that's right, many women lose sensation in their breasts after the surgery. On top of that, you can no longer breastfeed. Breastfeeding provides your child with so many health benefits! I'm not even going to get started on that one.

Well, obviously this surgery is a personal decision but it makes me sad that it is becoming so common place that we will forget what the natural female body looks like. I hope none will be offending by my honest opinion. I know many friends that have seen the confidence a woman has gained after such a surgery. However, my problem is the fact that she ever felt a lack of confidence without it. And that my friends is the real issue.

Being funny isn't very ladylike

So, a couple months back I found out that some of my favorite comedic female TV personalities were lesbians, Sue Sylvester from Glee, Wanda Sykes....Well, I started to think, all the funny women are lesbians. I tried to think of funny women who were straight and couldn't think of a single one! Then it dawned on me, "Oh no! I'm funny! People probably think I'm a lesbian!" This explains a lot. It explains the decrease in dates. It explains why gay men try to date me when trying to hide their sexuality. These guys are thinking, "This is a win-win. People will think we're both straight!" Problem? Yeah, I am straight! Does our society think that humor is purely a more masculine characteristic? I've always considered myself feminine but maybe I just never realized that being funny isn't very ladylike.

Candy, plants, and psychos

The candy man came by again and gave me some peanut butter m&m's. Yum! I guess when he walked outside he talked to my coworker and said the following: "I talked to her one night when she was the only working and I asked her what her age is. She's 25. If she had said 27 or 28, it could have maybe worked." My coworker told me she was thinking, "No, it wouldn't have worked then either!" Well, if he wants to think he is refusing to date me that's just fine. I'm kind of relieved.

Well, I've decided that is time that I care for a growing, living thing and don't worry I'm not pregnant. I bought plants! I don't like pets but they shed and smell bad and have to be potty trained so they are not an option for me. But plants are pretty, and these smell good and taste yummy! I bought some herbs. And I didn't realize there would be a variety of each herb. The basil was easy to tell, cause I could pick out the right kind by smell but the sage was a different story. It didn't smell...so I had try it. Yep, I snatched off one of those leaves and licked it a couple times. And ding, ding we had a winner! So, I hope they live so I can cook delicious meals.

So... we had a renter whose credit card declined when she returned the car. My coworker called her to get payment. The lady yelled at my coworker and told her that she hated her several times. Then she called back and told me to tell my coworker sorry and that she would be nice to me because she had taken some tranquilizers. (What the heck?) She asked for her balance and I asked if she had her contract and she was like, "No, no. I'm trying to forget you. You all are horrible." Then I told her the balance and she starts freaking out that she can't pay it by Friday and then tells me that she is going to blow out her brains and asks if that will satisfy me. I was dumbfounded. What kind of sick person does she think I am? Who would someone's suicide satisfy? I thought to myself, "who would kill themselves over having $600 go to collections." This confusion cause me to not respond and then she asks, "Are you there? Did you hang up?" I responded, "No, I'm still here. I just don't know how to respond to that." Then she tells me that I can just send "the evil collections" after her and that I can send my mafia or better yet I can send the real mafia. Then at the end she says how she is going to transfer funds and then take more tranquilizers! CRAZY!

So, that's the update on my life.

Golf is not a sport, it's a game

Let me preface this by saying that I actually think golf is an enjoyable activity. However, I want to take this opportunity to clarify a misconception about golf.

Golf is not a sport.

Now, what is a sport? Webster's dictionary defines a sport as "an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition." Now obviously, there is an element of competition to golf, but physical exertion? Get real. I'm not saying golf doesn't require talent but when your heart rate doesn't rise, it's not a sport.

There is no running. You drive a motor vehicle that can't go over 10 miles per hour. This activity is not even dangerous. The only chance of injury is if you are golfing in Florida and decide to stick your hand in a pond to retrieve your ball and find that an alligator has decided your arm is his afternoon snack.

In addition, how can you call it a sport when most people on the golf course are "retired"? If you are too old to work an office job, don't tell me that you have the energy to engage daily in a sport. Oh wait, you don't. That's why they invented the golf cart because walking would be too rigorous.

I'm not alone in this. Even the Olympic committee does not consider it a sport. And if you can drink a beer while golfing, please tell me how it is a sport. You don't see a track star or a soccer player drinking a beer on the sidelines. You drink a beer while watching sports...not playing them. And just because Tiger Woods drinks a Gatorade while playing doesn't make it a sport. I can drink a Gatorade on my couch, does that make watching TV a sport? I think not.

Golf is a game like croquet, and I don't know anyone who thinks croquet is a sport. And just because it is in the sports section of a high school yearbook doesn't mean a thing. Cheerleading is also in that section. Think about that...