No, I will not send you a dirty picture!

Tonight, I was listening to the radio while driving to zumba and a new song came on, "Take a dirty picture for me, Take a dirty picture." I thought, "Did I just hear right?" Yes, oh yes, I did. Here are the lyrics to this song. In italics, you will see my comments about this song.

Dirty Picture (first off, what do you mean by "dirty"? Do you mean when I'm sweaty after I work out? Or when I'm covered in dirt because I was weeding the garden? When I just mowed the lawn and have grass clippings all over me?)

I could dream of ways to see you (creepy!)
I could close my eyes to dream (okay?)
I could fantasize about you (sounds like you already do. Did I give you permission to do that?)

Tell the world what I believe (what kind of beliefs are we talking about here? This does not sound religious)
But whenever I'm not with you (I'm so glad there are times when I am not with you!)
It's so hard for me to see (Do you need contacts?)
I need to see a picture of you (uh, hello? Facebook! I've posted hundreds of pictures)
A special picture just for me, yeah (You are special but that doesn't mean you get a picture)

So take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
(What does that mean? And if you are referring to a picture of me nude, I'm insulted. When I'm naked, I'm usually very clean cause I'm either in the shower, or I just got out of the shower. And, do you think I am deaf? How many times do you have to say that you want a picture? I heard you, I'm just ignoring you!)

Snap. (Oh no, you did not just say "snap" to me!)
Uh. (are you grunting?)

Whenever you are gone, I just wanna be wit ya (wish the feelings were mutual...)
Please don't get me wrong, I just wanna see a picture (Get you wrong? I don't understand. That statement is not able to mean more than one thing.)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
(Here we go again! Really, you are sooooo needy! Stop already!)

Whenever you are gone, I just wanna be wit ya
Please don't get me wrong, I just wanna see your picture
(Do you have amnesia? You just said that)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture

(No. Plus, how am I supposed to take a decent picture of myself? It's not like a have a tripod set up)

The dream of ways to see you
I could close my eyes to dream
Fantasize about this with you
But the way is never seen

(You sound like a 13 year old boy. A real man should never sound so desperate.)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
Send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture

(You have just proven to me that not only are you socially impaired, you also are unoriginal and have an extremely low IQ)

So, I hope to hear songs with better lyrics in the future cause this one sucked. I felt like I was in a hallway at a middle school. I really expect more from artists, but obviously my expectations were too high.

Come On!

By popular request, I am creating another blog post. At first I felt uninspired but alas, a conversation with a good friend lit a fire underneath me. Today I will discuss what you can call laziness or stupidity. Now you're wondering where I'm going...You guessed right. Men! Now I'm not much of a male basher because I actually love men but there are some men that just don't seem to get it. What don't they get? How to get girl. I will site some case studies to prove that men make a simple task very hard. Women may be difficult but we have given men a clear road map and for some reason, they don't use. It's called a "chick flick."

Case Study #1

We will call him RR. RR is a good looking man. He's super fun, has a good job. He's approaching 30 though I'm not quite sure of his age. RR does the typical, "I will date 18-year-olds until one magically has the brain of a 28 year old woman." Sorry buddy! Not gonna happen. Her brain is not fully developed and won't be for another 2 or 3 years. She may have the body you've been dying to make love to, but guess what! She doesn't wanna make love to you! She just stopped playing barbies. So, dear RR, you'll find your special one when you start to date girls a little closer to your age and stage in life.

Case Study #2

We'll call him Fat Truck with a little guy. Now this guy is new on the scene and decides to pull out all the stupid lines like, "You have beautiful eyes" or "We should make out." Yeah...right. Hun, you are gonna need some new material because we've heard it! This may work on the other girls but for those who have been around the block a time or two, we know what you want and it is not our eyes. Stop looking at my backside, perv.

Case Study #3

Army guy. Now this guy had taken out a friend to dinner a couple times and then had the audacity to ask, "So, when are you going to put out?" Really? Did you really just say that? Oh, yes you did. I don't know what kind of trauma you've been in serving in the army and I don't care how many push ups you can do, there is no way any girl should give you the time of day. I have name for you. It starts with A and ends with S.S. Hole.

The following aren't case studies but these are some great quotes from boys who are real masters of the English language.

"You're kissable, just not dateble"

"You're smart and sexy, it just didn't work out for you"

"It's awkward hanging out with you."

"I'm sorry I didn't call, I've been really busy. My cat died."

Okay, now that I've proven that some men are scum, I'm going to let men in on a secret. That stuff you see in the movies? Well, it works! Taking us on a date and paying for it? That works. Opening doors? That works. Buying flowers? That works. Chocolate? Heck yes! Romance? Yeah, that works too. Listening when we babble on? That works. Pretending like you like our families or that you fit in with our friends? That works. So there you have it.

The young Rebecca

My parents came out for Labor Day weekend and brought all my photo albums and memorabilia. There was so much stuff, so I went through it in efforts to get rid of the junk. I came across I few interesting things.

First, was my hero paper. Now, typically a kid might choose a parent or superhero, but not Rebecca. I chose Jay Leno. And I quote:

"I think Jay Leno is the best out of the other comedians because I can understand his jokes."

"I chose Jay Leno as my hero because not very many people would think of him as a hero, but to me he is. He's a hero because he makes me feel relaxed and gets rid of my anger and sadness. I admire for being able to do this just by telling funny jokes. He might not seem to be a hero because he didn't save lives or discover anything important, but to me being able to make people laugh and cheer them up is heroic to me."

I don't really know how to comment on that, but wow.

Second, was an entry in a book each student made for himself. This entry was the "all about me" section.

"My first word was cookie. I began to walk at 13 months. I went to Lutheran preschool, and my best friend was Stephanie. In preschool I had a crush on this boy, I don't remember his name, but when he cried I didn't like him anymore."

Well, I like my men a little tougher. Don't judge me for being insensitive.

Last is an excerpt from a book of self-written poems.

I am a parrot, talking all the time.

I am a snake, having a long tongue.

I am a horse, galloping across the finish line.

I am an alligator, laying in the sun.

I am a monkey, making faces.

I am a kangaroo, jumping around in the day.

I am a giraffe, burping a lot.

I am an eagle, flying high above the clouds.

My personal favorites are the snake and giraffe. It seems as though I was picking the animals because I really did exhibit similar behaviors but the last one talks about flying like an eagle. That never happened. Just don't want you to be confused...but the rest are true.

Reflections on a disturbed childhood

When I reflect back on my childhood, it is typically with fond memories. However, this weekend my parents came to visit and brought my old art projects, which made me question just how great my childhood was. Here are some pieces of my original art. Let's examine these together.

First, we have the pooposaurus. I'm pretty sure that I meant for this to be a dinosaur but it sure looks a lot like feces. I think it means that subconciously, my childhood was crappy.

Next, we have a picture that might look more familiar. I think this is my interpretation of minnie mouse. I'm guessing that the reactions of my classmates and parents when they saw their daughter brought home poop was very traumatic, for both me and everyone else. So, I probably decided to do something less original and more socially acceptable.

Next, we have a little oil lamp. For some reason, this reminds me of Judaism. When I was in grade school there was a secret part of me that really wanted to be Jewish. I had a lot of Jewish friends growing up, but I wanted to be Jewish mostly because of that sweet "Dreidel, dreidel" song we sang every holiday season.

Now, after seeing this, I'm bitter I didn't copy write this face. It looks just like the lemur king off Madagascar. I think this truly captures who I am on the inside. A jungle animal that likes to move it! Just kidding...or am I? I had a friend once tell me that if I was an animal I would be a lemur, so who knows?

This one must have been made during a really rough time. I have no explaination but he is smiling, so I wasn't quite suicidal.

I think around age 9, I was possibly exploring the possibility of becoming a clown. I mean, I already had the white skin, so why not color on my face a little too?

Now, last but definitely not least! I think I was in junior high when I made this. I wish I could say I was on acid but I wasn't. To me this seriously looks like Satan's steed. It looks like the offspring of a goat and unicorn couple who then mated with an orc.

So now you know the real reason I went into therapy. Looks like I've been needing it for quite some time now!

I feel like a rockstar

Whenever I go to my sister's house I feel like a rockstar. As I pull up in the car, they are watching through the blinds...as I walk down the sidewalk, I begin to hear screaming and laughing. As I approach the door step, they swing open the door. One usually becomes shy but the other two run up and begin to hug and kiss me. Then, Dallin will get excited and run around and start to lift up his shirt--now rockstars always get people doing that to them! Anyway, this doorway greeting makes me feel special everytime and it always makes me laugh.

Life in Texas

Here are some photos of my new apartment:

About a week ago I moved from Bountiful, UT to Lubbock, TX. I was so sad to leave Utah. Sometimes I would almost start to cry when I would look at the mountains because I knew Lubbock was flatter than a piece of paper. Not only was I sad to leave Utah because of the beautiful surroundings but also because I have made so many good friends while living there. I already miss them! L One night while driving in my friend’s jeep, jamming out, I just started to cry! It was kind of silly but I knew I wouldn’t have my buddy to belt it out with me in the car. Goodbyes are so sad!

However, hellos are exciting. Moving in was a little bit of a fiasco. I had told the moving company about a month before I came out that I would be moving in a day earlier than scheduled. But when I got to the apartment to move in, the carpet was still ripped up and it was dirty from workmen. Mind you, I had to pay full month’s rent for August. I was a little ticked. So I called and then they wanted to show me a different apartment that was being cleaned out that day that had just been remodeled. So, I checked it out and ended up moving into that apartment. I really like it except the front room smelled a little smoky but I think I’ve gotten rid of the smell with the help of vinegar, candles, and air fresheners. I think it was only in the front room because the previous tenants would smoke on the front porch.

Oh, and I almost forgot about my house friends. Well, after moving in all my things, I needed to vacuum and mop. I wanted to do a thorough job; so, when I encountered the water heater closet, I decided to vacuum where no tenant had vacuumed before. As I was vacuuming up mounds of dirt, I would sometimes find an object that would not fit in the vacuum tube. So, I would turn off the vacuum, let the item drop to the floor with the intention to throw it away when I was done. Well, it happened again, but this time the object had a tail. I thought to myself, “That looks like a tail, weird.” Then when I turned off the vacuum and got a closer look, what did I see? Yes, a dead mouse carcass! The insides had rotted out but the little coat of fur was still intact. Yes, of course, I let out a scream. That was disgusting.

My second house friend is a fly. I have yet to name this fellow. I feel like if I name him, then I am giving him permission to live with me which I am really not okay with. He is a little buggy. No pun intended. He is always trying to eat my food. He touches me when I don’t want to be touched. He sometimes makes noise which is bothersome to me. I know, some of you are thinking, “this sounds like my husband!” I tried to get him to fly out the window today. I think it may have worked because I haven’t seen him tonight. If I see him again, I might have to have “the talk” with him.

Anyway, I have started classes and I think I am really gonna love my graduate work. My cohort is awesome. It is also awesome living 2 minutes away from my sister and her family. So although it's been a hard move, I'm really excited to be here in Lubbock and I can't wait till our first football game next weekend! Yay!

We Can Never Be The Same

Here is my newest song. Let me know what you think.

Movie Review! Yay!

So tonight I saw the popular Eclipse. Now I never finished reading the series because I got so frustrated that this young girl was in love with a vampire. I just can't relate. I understand the difficulty in finding a decent guy but I have not reduced my desperate situation to pursuing another species! This film glorifies her dilemma: vampire or wolf? How about a man? Sure men aren't perfect but come on! They aren't that bad. Granted, sometimes they aren't that different from vampires or wolves. I mean, they always want to bite your neck, they run faster than you, they smell bad sometimes, and they usually are quite warmer in body temperature. Still, most of them won't kill you!

One of the first things I noticed about the film is that everyone is wearing a hoodie, except Jacob, of course. I'm not sure if this is a northwest fashion statement but I was so glad that I had my white hoodie. I felt like a true Twilighter (that's my new nickname for the Twilight groupies). I also noticed that before the little battle, the Cullen family were all adorned in their black jackets. I think I'm going to get my family to sport that style in our next family photo. And, if we are feeling really ambitious, maybe we'll use make up to make our skin a lighter, yay!

Now, this film is a drama but I found myself laughing hysterically at times. The first time was when bitter bridezilla sought revenge on her fiance for beating her in the streets thus leading to her becoming a vampire. This scene was so shocking, I couldn't help but laugh out loud because it seemed so ridiculous. However, I can't lie, I was scared! I always pictured that when a bride entered a room to meet her man it would be with a smile....not fangs! I thought, "Yikes! If I was a man I'd never get married after seeing that image!" So if your man is now getting cold feet, it's your fault for dragging him to see this movie in the first place! Shoot, it makes me scared to put on a wedding dress!

I also laughed during the battle when the vampires would break like mannequins. I'm sorry, but I just can't feel bad when people break like glass. It's just so ridiculous.

Now I want to address an important lesson taught in this film. In the movie it shows two incidents when a seductive female vampire falsely proclaimed her love to get man to lead an army of vampires to serve her own selfish purpose. What do we learn? First, women lie, especially when they are vampires. Second, don't fall in love with a female vampire. Third, anytime someone says they love you and then asks you to kill someone, you should probably reevaluate the way you select who you date. "Best bite" should probably not be a determining criterion.

Thanks to this film I have come to several conclusions for myself:

1. Still like men, human men.

2. I'm cool because I own multiple hoodies.

3. I'm grateful to be a woman or I could be at risk to be seduced by one of these demonic female vampires.

4. Taylor Lautner is the best looking 18-year-old I've ever seen

5. I want to make out in a field of purple flowers

Thoughts on recent events

First, I must start off with the saddest news of all. The love of my life is getting engaged to someone else! Yes, George the grocery store bagger has found love with a woman and that woman is not me! After stalking my sister he helped her with her groceries and proceeded to tell her about his upcoming engagement. I'm so disappointed. He really was my last hope. Now I'll be forever pining for my lost love. Sigh...

Second, let's talk about Arizona. Okay, so we have a serious problem in this nation with illegal immigrants and no one can deny that. While I understand that the law seems like it is targeting illegal immigrants...well, you're right, it is! Duh! Look, if some guy sneaks across the border and is speeding on the highway with his driving privilege (which baffles me that they don't check for legal status when this is issued) and the officer checks to see if he is legal, I don't see the big deal. Aren't the police supposed to be monitoring illegal activities. If police are doing a drug bust and they go into the house and a man is raping a woman, can they not arrest him cause they are only supposed to be there for the drugs? Come on! Illegal is illegal. But my real issue isn't with this law. It's with the fact that the federal government can't do it's job right and keeps putting it's nose in the wrong places. I worked on capitol hill and heard someone say that air conditioning was the down fall of this country because then congress could work all year round. Before AC, congressmen had real jobs and served the public. Now they are just politicians who are trying to control our lives. I was going to go into politics but when I did an internship at the Subcommittee on regulatory affairs I learned that this country runs on bull sh*t. I can't believe the ridiculous laws that are passed. The Founding Fathers knew what they were doing and we've spent the last 65 years screwing it up.

My favorite things

So here are ten new and old favorite things of mine:

1. rock climbing- the most fun way to be reminded of how much you weigh. haha.

2. body combat- kicks my butt every time.

3. Edamame-so yummy!

4. chocolate milk- I think I'm reverting back to my childhood days

5. John Steinbeck novels- amazing author. Truly captures human nature.

6. Pilates- strengthen those abs!

7. Slumdog Millionaire- wow! One of the most creative, heart wrenching, and inspiring films I've ever seen.

8. Pantene Pro-V flat to volume- my hair is so soft! Feels like it just got cut.

9. French pedicure

10. Playing the guitar- I just love love love music! Can't wait till I get a piano also.