I cannot even begin to express how excited I am about our little one. It is so neat to think that this little life is growing inside of me. I can feel the baby move almost everyday. It is so cute! Whenever I feel the baby move, I always think about this little baby just flippin' around having a good old time in mama's belly. I'm beginning to understand the love between a parent and child. I haven't even seen the baby but I already feel so much love toward my baby. It is a little but scary to think about how much I already love this baby.
I had a really strange dream the other night where my baby was born with no arms. In the dream, we were puzzled by the birth defect because the baby had had arms in the ultrasound. But in the dream, I took the baby in my arms after birth and I didn't even care that baby didn't have arms. It made me think about how special this little soul will be to me no matter what. I can't wait to find out the sex of the baby and just see my little one in just a few days!
The other day, Isaac and I were lying in bed and he said to me, "Can you believe we even thought about waiting?!" It is definitely going to be a struggle to have a baby when our future is so uncertain since we are both graduating and do not have long term employment. However, Isaac and I decided before we married that having children was a priority in terms of importance and timeliness. I feel so blessed that we were able to get pregnant so quickly and that we will be having this baby join our family.
I feel so overwhelmed with love for this child and sometimes I worry that my love will get in the way of good parenting. As a therapist, I realize that I will probably emotionally damage my children as most parents do. It is so crazy to think of the times when I questioned my parents love. Maybe parents fall in love with their babies and the love changes overtime, similar to a marriage. But, every now and then, I see how my mom looks at me and remembers me as her little baby. I see many friends posting about their babies on Facebook and it seems as though their babies are growing up so fast. I already feel as though every moment is going to slip away so fast after the baby is born. My prayer is that motherhood will transform me and that as my love increases, so will my ability to let my children develop their own unique selves.