Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Cowboy

This may be news to some of you, but I've been dating someone as of late. I would say that we are somewhat of an unlikely match; I'm a city girl from St. Louis and he is cowboy from Texas. He loves things like cowboy boots and plaid. I don't own a pair of cowboy boots and I have one plaid shirt. So, we're a little different. We do have a lot in common but I've been wondering what it means to date a cowboy. . . and I'm slowly finding out.

About three or four days into my Christmas vacation, my boyfriend shares an idea with me. He's thinking about buying some sheep. I respond, "For what? Are you going to sell the wool?" "No, It'll give me something to do. I know a lady who will rent me some land and I'll build a little fence for them." You know you are missed when you're boyfriend starts talking about buying herd animals. Well, I know nothing about animals so I can't really say much considering my family pet was always a bunny and the last one I helped take care of starved to death. May you rest in peace, Butterscotch.

A few days after his announcement of his intentions to buy some sheep, he then tells me that he is thinking of purchasing some goats too. Well, he saw a man about buying a goat and this is the goat he is going to buy. My boyfriend is letting me name the goat. My first thought was, "this goat is spry." So that's his name, "Spry." Maybe if we are lucky he will get invited to be on the Brian Fellow's Safari Planet show!

I feel like he is smirking in this picture and winking at the same time. It's probably cause those other goats are females. He's only eight months but he's already working it with the ladies. When I get back to Texas, I will meet Spry. I've never met a goat before so this could be an interesting encounter.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I think I wanna marry you?

Alright, it is time for another song review. Bruno Mars has written a song with a catchy tune but as I listened to his song I was quite shocked by the lyrics. So here it is. My comments will be in parentheses.

It’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
(Did you just say you want to do something dumb, and the first thing to come to your mind was to marry me? RUDE!)

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
(Dancing juice? What the heck is that? Is that another vitamin drink scam? And why are we drinking that? Oh yeah, you are into doing "dumb" things.)

Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,
No one will know,
Come on girl.
Who cares if we’re trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow,
Shots of patron,
And it’s on girl.
(We are getting married in secret and drinking patron? You really know how to treat a girl. Your ideal wedding sounds a little white trash to me. Now, I understand why a girl plans her wedding with their mother and not with the groom. This guy's ideas are wack!)

Don’t say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we’ll go, go, go, go-go.
If you’re ready, like I’m ready.
(Whoa, hun, you are drunk. You are stuttering all over the place. Or maybe you really don't understand that I said "no" five times.)

Cause it’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
(Don't call me baby when you are telling me that it is stupid to marry me.)

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares baby,

I think I wanna marry you.

(You "think" you want to marry me? Um, I think I'll take a man that "knows" he wants to marry me.)

I’ll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
(You don't even have a a ring yet?)

So whatcha wanna do?
Let’s just run girl.
If we wake up and you wanna break up that’s cool.
No, I won’t blame you;
It was fun girl.
(WHAT?! If you marry, it is not a break up. It's called a divorce or an annulment. You are so dumb.)

Don’t say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we’ll go, go, go, go-go.
If you’re ready, like I’m ready.
(Get sober!)

Cause it’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
(You have no game.)

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.
(The look in my eyes most likely resembles shock. And, this is not because I'm pleasantly surprised at your proposal. The shock is from the realization that I've been with a complete idiot.)

Just say I do,
Tell me right now baby,
Tell me right now baby.
(No! I don't.)

So although I do like Bruno Mars' music, this marriage proposal sucked.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

There are other squirrels in the forest

Well, Thanksgiving is always a special time for me but this year was a different kind of special. This year my parents came in town since both my sister and I live here in Lubbock. We had the traditional Thanksgiving meal and afterwards the kids were begging me to dance like "Dancing in the Stars." So, we were all dancing around when I hear shouting from the kitchen that we are going to some family friends of my sister. The girls got all excited because this family has two boys--my nieces' crushes. So, the girls go change their outfits so they can look cute for the boys and we all pile in the car. I started to wonder what this visit is all about because my sister had told me that the wife in this family has a brother that she'd like to set me up with. So, I'm thinking there is an ulterior motive for me to meet this man. I already knew I was not looking for anyone, so I was not excited to be introduced this man. For a while the brother was not present, so I felt a sense of relief that vanished only 15 minutes later when a chair was set next to me and the brother sat down. Now, I'm sure he is nice but he is around 38 but looks like he is 50. I avoided conversation with him because I didn't want him to ask for my number or anything but inevitably he opened his mouth to jump in the conversation. I just about died. He had a voice that sounded like he had just inhaled air from a helium balloon but with a southern accent. Basically, a chipmunk, southern style. My brother-in-law felt bad and described him as squirrelly, and my sister chimed in, "Don't worry Rebecca, there are other squirrels in the forest." Well, even as awkward as that was, we did get a good laugh. I'm glad that my singleness can bring entertainment to the family but I'm hoping this is not going to be an annual tradition. As much as I care for all God's creations, I'm just not feeling the squirrel.

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's not you, it's the way you smell

Today I want to discuss an important oversight. These days many men are spending hours at the gym, trying to get that six pack. Or they are spending crazy amounts of money on clothes and hair gel. All these efforts are to attract a mate. While we women appreciate these efforts I think it is only appropriate to help out a man in need so I'm letting the men in on a secret. Now, this may seem like a really simple answer to what seems like a complex issue (securing a woman). Wear cologne. Yes, that's right. But, don't just think you can pick up an old sample and and don't think that the more you put on will make it more effective. The key is getting the right cologne. When a man smells good, a girl starts to melt inside. I get all worried that it may start to show that I'm possibly becoming irrational. The right cologne can turn a Chris Farley into Bradley Cooper. Now, you may think I'm only speaking for myself but I have talked with many women about this and it is true, a guy be ugly or fat or even have a bad personality, but if he smells good I think, "this guy is an option!" So, there you have it, if you are trying to find yourself a woman, you first need to find yourself a cologne. View the clip below to see just how it works.

Baby, I'm the lucky one

Last night as I was laying in bed I began to think about how lucky I am. I have so much to be grateful for. Of course I complain at times about what is lacking in my life but I've realized that I have so much to be happy about. I'd like to take some time right now to write about it.

The other day was my birthday and I was showered upon with so much love. My older sister Rachel made me a delicious meal and my cute nieces and nephew gave me a few surprises too. Paige and Dallin decided to be puppies for my birthday. Who would have thought I'd get not just one puppy, but two! Then Elizabeth and Paige showed us a wonderful dance performance. It was quite a pleasant evening. I have a wonderful family and I'm so excited to be with them over the holidays.

On the weekend I got to have a sleepover, just like old times, with two great girlfriends. I also got to do karaoke, a favorite past time of mine. It was so fun! I am not only grateful that so many people remembered me on my birthday but that so many made the effort to come celebrate and have a good time with me. I truly feel like I have a monopoly on good friends. As I have moved around quite a bit, friends have been so important to me and they have helped me grow so much.

I especially feel grateful about all the amazing opportunities I have had in my life: a study abroad in Ukraine, internship with Congress in DC, a mission in Russia, visiting Costa Rica, and pursuing a graduate degree. I realize how God has opened up doors of opportunity and provided the finances for me to have these experiences. Sometimes I wonder why God has blessed me with so much.

I'm so grateful for my health. After I stopped doing sports, I worked out to prevent myself from getting fat but in the past couple years I've come to really appreciate my body. There is something so amazing about having a healthy body and being able to move it in different ways.

I'm also grateful for my talents. I love music and I love that singing and playing the guitar and piano can make me so happy and relieve so much stress.

Especially right now, I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to study and work in the field of Marriage and Family Therapy. It is such an inspiring endeavor and I don't know how to express how wonderful it feels to pursue a career that feels as though it is part of your soul. What I love most about my field is that it brings the most important things together: career, family, and spirituality.

I'm one lucky girl and recognizing that has allowed me to enjoy the journey. I'm so grateful for all that I have and look forward to Thanksgiving when my family and I can share our gratitude for all our blessings.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

If I had a rich man

If I had a rich man, sigh. Isn't that what every girl wonders? Now, some people are thinking, what does a girl need a rich man for? Well, this song makes fun of rich wives but also reveals why a rich husband would be useful to a girl. You may want to have the music playing in the background as you read the revised lyrics.

Oh dear Lord, you made many, many poor men.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.
But it's no great honor either!
So, why would it be so terrible if I had a rich husband?"

If I had a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long sitting at the country club.
If I had a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I had a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

He'd buy a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine gourmet kitchen with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more just for the real housewives show.

I'd fill my closet with Louis Vuitton and Gucci
just for the girls to see and stare.
gawking just as enviously as they can.
With each loud "Oooo" "ahhh" "Ugh"
Will ring like music to my ears,
As if to say "She's got a wealthy man."

If I had a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long sitting at the country club.
If I had a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see myself, his wife, looking like a rich man's wife
With a black Mercedes Benz.
Shopping all day long to my heart's delight.
I see me putting on airs and strutting like a peacock.
Oy, what a happy mood I'm in.
Enjoying my rich life, day and night.

The most eligible girls in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
"If you please, Reb Crandall..."
"Pardon me, Reb Crandall..."
Posing problems that would cross another therapist's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're rich, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
Go to the spa, relax, and stay.
And maybe have full body massage.
And I'd discuss grooming trends with experienced women, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I had a rich man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long sitting at the country club.
If I had a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?!
If I had a wealthy man.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

A child's view of divorce

Last night I was babysitting my nieces and nephews. One of their favorite games to play is called "neighbors." Paige (age 5) and I went to Elizabeth's who had just gotten married and was now having baby. At Elizabeth's Paige revealed that she was divorcing her husband. Elizabeth asked if he had another girlfriend and Paige very excitedly said, "No! It's because he is the 's' word." I asked, "What is the 's' word." "It's 'stupid.'" Pretty good reason for divorce. So I asked what he did and she had quite the list of words exchanged and what had happened:

"He cut off my toe nail!"
"He pulled out my tooth!"
"And he is always trying to put my earrings on me, but I can put my earrings on myself."
"He told me, 'go put some pancakes in your stomach with lots of syrup on top!' But I don't want pancakes! I want toast."
"So I told him, 'go put lipstick on your lips and never come back!'"
"Then he said to me, 'go cut your eyebrows and cut your hair off.'"
"He told me, 'go put your head in the dishwasher and when you open it back up your head will be all smooshed up and I will laugh so hard until I die.'"

So, I'm not quite sure what the media is teaching our children but divorce sounds pretty abusive and traumatic from the perspective of a 5 year old.

Reflections on the Lazy River

Yesterday was the last day of Lazy River’s 2010 season. I wanted to share a few special memories.

The Old Man

The old man faithfully attended every Saturday. He would wear very short swim trunks, more like running shorts. The disturbing thing about them was not even the length. It was that the color matched his skin tone. So, from far away you thought the old man was naked. Despite how disturbing this visual was, we persevered and continued to go to the pool.

The Inappropriate Man

Yesterday was special because I did what Rebecca always does, talk too loud. One of my friends was telling me that the old man came in a different swim suit. Then I shouted, “Oh my gosh! Did you see that man in the bright orange Speedo?” Right at that moment, we floated right past him. I was embarrassed because I’m sure he heard but maybe next season he’ll come in something a little less flashy. PS- he was there with his 10 year daughter. Poor child!


The lazy river has also been a place of inspiration for me and my friends. I’m sure you have all heard that shallow people talk about things, normal people talk about people, but great people talk about ideas. Well, the lazy river is where discussions about things and people evolved to a discussion of ideas. Now, when boys go to the pool, they don’t check out other boys, but girls play a game called, “real boobs, fake boobs?” In this game we check out women who have big boobs and try to determine if they are real or fake. Often comments are made like, “boobs that size can’t be that shape” or “those boobs sit way too high for her age.” Then we were discussing how boobs are not that bad. They are actually in probably the most convenient place God could have but them. I suggested the back may have been a better place (have you ever tried to play golf? Sometimes they get in the way). My friends quickly corrected me that if they were on the back it would be difficult to breast feed. Good point. So then I suggest that rather than have a boob job, they should make detachable boobs. Wouldn’t it be great if you could take them off to run and do sports? I thought I was really on to something when someone suggested the inflatable boob. What if you had this little pump that could inflate and deflate your boobs? Kind of like the sleep number mattress. You could control the firmness and everything! Also, they could advertise it like, “Do you have trouble finding clothes to fit you? What if you could you change to fit the clothes?” Shopping for women can be tedious. The dress or shirt doesn’t fit because your boobs are too small or too big. Your buttons pull or pop off because you can’t find a shirt that fits both your shoulders and your chest size. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just adjust yourself? Anyway, I’m thinking we might need to get a copyright or patent this idea. This could really go big.

So, thank you lazy river for all the sun, fun, and inspiration. I’ll see you again in March.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

No, I will not send you a dirty picture!

Tonight, I was listening to the radio while driving to zumba and a new song came on, "Take a dirty picture for me, Take a dirty picture." I thought, "Did I just hear right?" Yes, oh yes, I did. Here are the lyrics to this song. In italics, you will see my comments about this song.

Dirty Picture (first off, what do you mean by "dirty"? Do you mean when I'm sweaty after I work out? Or when I'm covered in dirt because I was weeding the garden? When I just mowed the lawn and have grass clippings all over me?)

I could dream of ways to see you (creepy!)
I could close my eyes to dream (okay?)
I could fantasize about you (sounds like you
already do. Did I give you permission to do that?)
Tell the world what I believe (what kind of beliefs are we talking about here? This does not sound religious)
But whenever I'm not with you (I'm so glad there are times when I am not with you!)
It's so hard for me to see (Do you need contacts?)
I need to see a picture of you (uh, hello? Facebook! I've posted hundreds of pictures)
A special picture just for me, yeah (You are special but that doesn't mean you get a picture)

So take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
(What does that mean? And if you are referring to a picture of me nude, I'm insulted. When I'm naked, I'm usually very clean cause I'm either in the shower, or I just got out of the shower. And, do you think I am deaf? How many times do you have to say that you want a picture? I heard you, I'm just ignoring you!)

Snap. (Oh no, you did not just say "snap" to me!)
Uh. (are you grunting?)

Whenever you are gone, I just wanna be wit ya (wish the feelings were mutual...)
Please don't get me wrong, I just wanna see a picture (Get you wrong? I don't understand. That statement is not able to mean more than one thing.)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
(Here we go again! Really, you are sooooo needy! Stop already!)

Whenever you are gone, I just wanna be wit ya
Please don't get me wrong, I just wanna see your picture
(Do you have amnesia? You just said that)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
(No. Plus, how am I supposed to take a decent picture of myself? It's not like a have a tripod set up)

The dream of ways to see you
I could close my eyes to dream
Fantasize about this with you
But the way is never seen
(You sound like a 13 year old boy. A real man should never sound so desperate.)

Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Take a dirty picture for me
Take a dirty picture
Just send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
Send the dirty picture to me
Send the dirty picture
(You have just proven to me that not only are you socially impaired, you also are unoriginal and have an extremely low IQ)

So, I hope to hear songs with better lyrics in the future cause this one sucked. I felt like I was in a hallway at a middle school. I really expect more from artists, but obviously my expectations were too high.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Come On!

By popular request, I am creating another blog post. At first I felt uninspired but alas, a conversation with a good friend lit a fire underneath me. Today I will discuss what you can call laziness or stupidity. Now you're wondering where I'm going...You guessed right. Men! Now I'm not much of a male basher because I actually love men but there are some men that just don't seem to get it. What don't they get? How to get girl. I will site some case studies to prove that men make a simple task very hard. Women may be difficult but we have given men a clear road map and for some reason, they don't use. It's called a "chick flick."

Case Study #1
We will call him RR. RR is a good looking man. He's super fun, has a good job. He's approaching 30 though I'm not quite sure of his age. RR does the typical, "I will date 18-year-olds until one magically has the brain of a 28 year old woman." Sorry buddy! Not gonna happen. Her brain is not fully developed and won't be for another 2 or 3 years. She may have the body you've been dying to make love to, but guess what! She doesn't wanna make love to you! She just stopped playing barbies. So, dear RR, you'll find your special one when you start to date girls a little closer to your age and stage in life.

Case Study #2
We'll call him Fat Truck with a little guy. Now this guy is new on the scene and decides to pull out all the stupid lines like, "You have beautiful eyes" or "We should make out." Yeah...right. Hun, you are gonna need some new material because we've heard it! This may work on the other girls but for those who have been around the block a time or two, we know what you want and it is not our eyes. Stop looking at my backside, perv.

Case Study #3
Army guy. Now this guy had taken out a friend to dinner a couple times and then had the audacity to ask, "So, when are you going to put out?" Really? Did you really just say that? Oh, yes you did. I don't know what kind of trauma you've been in serving in the army and I don't care how many push ups you can do, there is no way any girl should give you the time of day. I have name for you. It starts with A and ends with S.S. Hole.

The following aren't case studies but these are some great quotes from boys who are real masters of the English language.

"You're kissable, just not dateble"
"You're smart and sexy, it just didn't work out for you"
"It's awkward hanging out with you."
"I'm sorry I didn't call, I've been really busy. My cat died."

Okay, now that I've proven that some men are scum, I'm going to let men in on a secret. That stuff you see in the movies? Well, it works! Taking us on a date and paying for it? That works. Opening doors? That works. Buying flowers? That works. Chocolate? Heck yes! Romance? Yeah, that works too. Listening when we babble on? That works. Pretending like you like our families or that you fit in with our friends? That works. So there you have it.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The young Rebecca

My parents came out for Labor Day weekend and brought all my photo albums and memorabilia. There was so much stuff, so I went through it in efforts to get rid of the junk. I came across I few interesting things.

First, was my hero paper. Now, typically a kid might choose a parent or superhero, but not Rebecca. I chose Jay Leno. And I quote:
"I think Jay Leno is the best out of the other comedians because I can understand his jokes."

"I chose Jay Leno as my hero because not very many people would think of him as a hero, but to me he is. He's a hero because he makes me feel relaxed and gets rid of my anger and sadness. I admire for being able to do this just by telling funny jokes. He might not seem to be a hero because he didn't save lives or discover anything important, but to me being able to make people laugh and cheer them up is heroic to me."

I don't really know how to comment on that, but wow.

Second, was an entry in a book each student made for himself. This entry was the "all about me" section.
"My first word was cookie. I began to walk at 13 months. I went to Lutheran preschool, and my best friend was Stephanie. In preschool I had a crush on this boy, I don't remember his name, but when he cried I didn't like him anymore."
Well, I like my men a little tougher. Don't judge me for being insensitive.

Last is an excerpt from a book of self-written poems.

I am a parrot, talking all the time.
I am a snake, having a long tongue.
I am a horse, galloping across the finish line.
I am an alligator, laying in the sun.
I am a monkey, making faces.
I am a kangaroo, jumping around in the day.
I am a giraffe, burping a lot.
I am an eagle, flying high above the clouds.

My personal favorites are the snake and giraffe. It seems as though I was picking the animals because I really did exhibit similar behaviors but the last one talks about flying like an eagle. That never happened. Just don't want you to be confused...but the rest are true.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Reflections on a disturbed childhood

When I reflect back on my childhood, it is typically with fond memories. However, this weekend my parents came to visit and brought my old art projects, which made me question just how great my childhood was. Here are some pieces of my original art. Let's examine these together.

First, we have the pooposaurus. I'm pretty sure that I meant for this to be a dinosaur but it sure looks a lot like feces. I think it means that subconciously, my childhood was crappy.

Next, we have a picture that might look more familiar. I think this is my interpretation of minnie mouse. I'm guessing that the reactions of my classmates and parents when they saw their daughter brought home poop was very traumatic, for both me and everyone else. So, I probably decided to do something less original and more socially acceptable.

Next, we have a little oil lamp. For some reason, this reminds me of Judaism. When I was in grade school there was a secret part of me that really wanted to be Jewish. I had a lot of Jewish friends growing up, but I wanted to be Jewish mostly because of that sweet "Dreidel, dreidel" song we sang every holiday season.

Now, after seeing this, I'm bitter I didn't copy write this face. It looks just like the lemur king off Madagascar. I think this truly captures who I am on the inside. A jungle animal that likes to move it! Just kidding...or am I? I had a friend once tell me that if I was an animal I would be a lemur, so who knows?

This one must have been made during a really rough time. I have no explaination but he is smiling, so I wasn't quite suicidal.

I think around age 9, I was possibly exploring the possibility of becoming a clown. I mean, I already had the white skin, so why not color on my face a little too?

Now, last but definitely not least! I think I was in junior high when I made this. I wish I could say I was on acid but I wasn't. To me this seriously looks like Satan's steed. It looks like the offspring of a goat and unicorn couple who then mated with an orc.

So now you know the real reason I went into therapy. Looks like I've been needing it for quite some time now!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I feel like a rockstar

Whenever I go to my sister's house I feel like a rockstar. As I pull up in the car, they are watching through the blinds...as I walk down the sidewalk, I begin to hear screaming and laughing. As I approach the door step, they swing open the door. One usually becomes shy but the other two run up and begin to hug and kiss me. Then, Dallin will get excited and run around and start to lift up his shirt--now rockstars always get people doing that to them! Anyway, this doorway greeting makes me feel special everytime and it always makes me laugh.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Life in Texas

Here are some photos of my new apartment:

About a week ago I moved from Bountiful, UT to Lubbock, TX. I was so sad to leave Utah. Sometimes I would almost start to cry when I would look at the mountains because I knew Lubbock was flatter than a piece of paper. Not only was I sad to leave Utah because of the beautiful surroundings but also because I have made so many good friends while living there. I already miss them! L One night while driving in my friend’s jeep, jamming out, I just started to cry! It was kind of silly but I knew I wouldn’t have my buddy to belt it out with me in the car. Goodbyes are so sad!Add Image

However, hellos are exciting. Moving in was a little bit of a fiasco. I had told the moving company about a month before I came out that I would be moving in a day earlier than scheduled. But when I got to the apartment to move in, the carpet was still ripped up and it was dirty from workmen. Mind you, I had to pay full month’s rent for August. I was a little ticked. So I called and then they wanted to show me a different apartment that was being cleaned out that day that had just been remodeled. So, I checked it out and ended up moving into that apartment. I really like it except the front room smelled a little smoky but I think I’ve gotten rid of the smell with the help of vinegar, candles, and air fresheners. I think it was only in the front room because the previous tenants would smoke on the front porch.

Oh, and I almost forgot about my house friends. Well, after moving in all my things, I needed to vacuum and mop. I wanted to do a thorough job; so, when I encountered the water heater closet, I decided to vacuum where no tenant had vacuumed before. As I was vacuuming up mounds of dirt, I would sometimes find an object that would not fit in the vacuum tube. So, I would turn off the vacuum, let the item drop to the floor with the intention to throw it away when I was done. Well, it happened again, but this time the object had a tail. I thought to myself, “That looks like a tail, weird.” Then when I turned off the vacuum and got a closer look, what did I see? Yes, a dead mouse carcass! The insides had rotted out but the little coat of fur was still intact. Yes, of course, I let out a scream. That was disgusting.

My second house friend is a fly. I have yet to name this fellow. I feel like if I name him, then I am giving him permission to live with me which I am really not okay with. He is a little buggy. No pun intended. He is always trying to eat my food. He touches me when I don’t want to be touched. He sometimes makes noise which is bothersome to me. I know, some of you are thinking, “this sounds like my husband!” I tried to get him to fly out the window today. I think it may have worked because I haven’t seen him tonight. If I see him again, I might have to have “the talk” with him.

Anyway, I have started classes and I think I am really gonna love my graduate work. My cohort is awesome. It is also awesome living 2 minutes away from my sister and her family. So although it's been a hard move, I'm really excited to be here in Lubbock and I can't wait till our first football game next weekend! Yay!

Friday, July 23, 2010

We Can Never Be The Same

Here is my newest song. Let me know what you think.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Movie Review! Yay!

So tonight I saw the popular Eclipse. Now I never finished reading the series because I got so frustrated that this young girl was in love with a vampire. I just can't relate. I understand the difficulty in finding a decent guy but I have not reduced my desperate situation to pursuing another species! This film glorifies her dilemma: vampire or wolf? How about a man? Sure men aren't perfect but come on! They aren't that bad. Granted, sometimes they aren't that different from vampires or wolves. I mean, they always want to bite your neck, they run faster than you, they smell bad sometimes, and they usually are quite warmer in body temperature. Still, most of them won't kill you!

One of the first things I noticed about the film is that everyone is wearing a hoodie, except Jacob, of course. I'm not sure if this is a northwest fashion statement but I was so glad that I had my white hoodie. I felt like a true Twilighter (that's my new nickname for the Twilight groupies). I also noticed that before the little battle, the Cullen family were all adorned in their black jackets. I think I'm going to get my family to sport that style in our next family photo. And, if we are feeling really ambitious, maybe we'll use make up to make our skin a lighter, yay!

Now, this film is a drama but I found myself laughing hysterically at times. The first time was when bitter bridezilla sought revenge on her fiance for beating her in the streets thus leading to her becoming a vampire. This scene was so shocking, I couldn't help but laugh out loud because it seemed so ridiculous. However, I can't lie, I was scared! I always pictured that when a bride entered a room to meet her man it would be with a smile....not fangs! I thought, "Yikes! If I was a man I'd never get married after seeing that image!" So if your man is now getting cold feet, it's your fault for dragging him to see this movie in the first place! Shoot, it makes me scared to put on a wedding dress!

I also laughed during the battle when the vampires would break like mannequins. I'm sorry, but I just can't feel bad when people break like glass. It's just so ridiculous.

Now I want to address an important lesson taught in this film. In the movie it shows two incidents when a seductive female vampire falsely proclaimed her love to get man to lead an army of vampires to serve her own selfish purpose. What do we learn? First, women lie, especially when they are vampires. Second, don't fall in love with a female vampire. Third, anytime someone says they love you and then asks you to kill someone, you should probably reevaluate the way you select who you date. "Best bite" should probably not be a determining criterion.

Thanks to this film I have come to several conclusions for myself:
1. Still like men, human men.
2. I'm cool because I own multiple hoodies.
3. I'm grateful to be a woman or I could be at risk to be seduced by one of these demonic female vampires.
4. Taylor Lautner is the best looking 18-year-old I've ever seen
5. I want to make out in a field of purple flowers

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Thoughts on recent events

First, I must start off with the saddest news of all. The love of my life is getting engaged to someone else! Yes, George the grocery store bagger has found love with a woman and that woman is not me! After stalking my sister he helped her with her groceries and proceeded to tell her about his upcoming engagement. I'm so disappointed. He really was my last hope. Now I'll be forever pining for my lost love. Sigh...

Second, let's talk about Arizona. Okay, so we have a serious problem in this nation with illegal immigrants and no one can deny that. While I understand that the law seems like it is targeting illegal immigrants...well, you're right, it is! Duh! Look, if some guy sneaks across the border and is speeding on the highway with his driving privilege (which baffles me that they don't check for legal status when this is issued) and the officer checks to see if he is legal, I don't see the big deal. Aren't the police supposed to be monitoring illegal activities. If police are doing a drug bust and they go into the house and a man is raping a woman, can they not arrest him cause they are only supposed to be there for the drugs? Come on! Illegal is illegal. But my real issue isn't with this law. It's with the fact that the federal government can't do it's job right and keeps putting it's nose in the wrong places. I worked on capitol hill and heard someone say that air conditioning was the down fall of this country because then congress could work all year round. Before AC, congressmen had real jobs and served the public. Now they are just politicians who are trying to control our lives. I was going to go into politics but when I did an internship at the Subcommittee on regulatory affairs I learned that this country runs on bull sh*t. I can't believe the ridiculous laws that are passed. The Founding Fathers knew what they were doing and we've spent the last 65 years screwing it up.

Monday, June 14, 2010

My favorite things

So here are ten new and old favorite things of mine:

1. rock climbing- the most fun way to be reminded of how much you weigh. haha.

2. body combat- kicks my butt every time.

3. Edamame-so yummy!

4. chocolate milk- I think I'm reverting back to my childhood days

5. John Steinbeck novels- amazing author. Truly captures human nature.

6. Pilates- strengthen those abs!

7. Slumdog Millionaire- wow! One of the most creative, heart wrenching, and inspiring films I've ever seen.

8. Pantene Pro-V flat to volume- my hair is so soft! Feels like it just got cut.

9. French pedicure

10. Playing the guitar- I just love love love music! Can't wait till I get a piano also.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


So lately I've been thinking about the "why" behind poor choices. And I've come to a conclusion. Now, there are some people in life who make bad decisions because they really are evil. And then there is the rest of us. People who make bad decisions for sometimes reasons we ourselves can't identify. Coming from a religious background, I grew up always thinking that when someone sinned it was because they lacked spiritual strength. However, I have come to realize that are two reasons good people make bad choices: one is that they lack spiritual strength, and the other is that they lack emotional strength. The problem is that the two are very connected. Each strength enables you to have greater strength in the other area.

What can happen is that we might develop one and fail to develop the other. However, this lack of development in one area can hinder the development of the other and even thwart all the efforts we've made to develop that strength.

This can occur in a culture that emphasizes spirituality and fails to ensure that people understand what true spiritual strength requires: emotional strength. This may be why you see a church leader that has displayed great spiritual power and then later you hear that he has had an affair or an addiction or that maybe he has abused someone. You feel betrayed. But if you take a closer look you begin to see that most people aren't the way we see them. We see a snapshot of a person, and while a picture says 1,000 words, that is not enough to understand an individual. Most of try to only show our good sides because that is what we believe we truly are inside. However, the truth is that we all have very deep rooted insecurities and very few of us ever confront those demons until the life of a relationship is threatened by them. This is why relationships are so important. They help develop the character of the individual.

So does someone have an affair because he doesn't believe in the ten commandments? Probably not. There is an emotional need that is not being filled. Most people don't recognize how serious the need is until they are trapped in a love triangle. Same with a person that is addicted to pornography. No one in their right mind wants to be enslaved to any addiction. But that person has an emotional deficiency. Most addicts that I know resorted to a substance or pornography because it took them out of their reality into a happier place. Their choice had nothing to do with spirituality but was a result of lacking emotional strength to confront the difficulties of their lives. Many of these people are really good people. They can be kinder than most others and many have strong feelings towards deity.

I am in no way trying to justify bad decisions but in order to stop making bad decisions or help others from doing so, it is important to understand what influences our decisions. The hardest part is recognizing what you lack or what you need before you find yourself in a vulnerable situation. This is why many of us learn the hard way. Learning the hard way isn't always a bad thing. The lesson that is the hardest to learn is often the one that we never forget.

I'm not quite sure how you can sustain spiritual strength without emotional strength. For many years I have heard that praying and reading your scriptures would solve all your problems. And while I do believe these things do help an individual develop spiritual strength and peace, real healing and growth occurs when we change who we are. This requires first, looking within and really admitting to ourselves who we are. Once we truly accept ourselves for the good and bad in us, then we can better apply spiritual teachings. It is not enough to know where you want to end up. We must know where we are starting from.

About 6 years ago I was invited by some friends to hike Mt. Timpanogas. The plan was to leave at midnight so that we could be at the top of the mountain at dawn. We had fasted that day and I said to my cousin after eating the one and only meal we had eaten that day, "let's go to bed right now so we won't be tired." At midnight we packed a little bag with a few water bottles and I threw in some fruit snacks in case we got hungry. We had been told that the hike would be six hours. Well, we didn't make it to the top before dawn. By 9:00am, we were starved and had just reached the top. I was used to a lot physical activity but cousin wasn't and she was tired. Luckily our friends had made extra sandwiches and had prepared more adequately for the hike. We finally got back down to the base at 1:00pm. Turned out that we had taken the wrong trail so that is why the hike had been longer and more difficult.

I share this story because it illustrates the importance of knowing our strengths and limitations and the journey we face. Too many of us don't want to know where the starting line is because knowing the distance to the top is intimidating. Unfortunately, if we don't know the distance, we find ourselves ill prepared for the journey. We may not pack enough water or food. We may think the hike is short and we won't need sunscreen or a first aid kit. So we end up burnt and sometimes scarred because we weren't able to take care of wounds immediately. And I can tell you my cousin wasn't happy that I brought her on that hike. Sometimes our loved ones might feel that way about the journey that we take them on.

As we willingly look into our hearts and admit our limitations, we can develop emotional and spiritual strength to make good decisions. My friend share with me an interesting quote:
"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who would rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet."
I love the second part. Many of us, and even myself included, are scared to meet their own hearts in their closet. But I believe that as we do so, we will make better decisions and we really will become the better side that we try to display to the rest of the world.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

More music

Here are a few more songs I've written

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Surgery...

Alrighty folks, it's time! Now that my blog has been up for a while I feel like we can talk about some more serious matters. Surgery. Not just any surgery. Breast Implants. No, I am not contemplating getting implants. That would put me up with Pamela Anderson, someone I avoid associating with. And no, I never got this surgery.

Now, my father is a plastic surgeon, so I am grateful for the vain and insecure who made my life possible. Thanks! :) I must preface this by saying plastic surgery is such a blessing. How awesome that should tragedy strike we can help someone look like their original self! However, this boob job thing is getting a little crazy!

First, let's discuss the graduation present.

Many 18-year-old girls get breast implants as a graduation gift from their parents. I'm against this. Why? Well, first because at 18, you may continue to grow...and this includes certain body parts. Second, what message is this parent trying to send their child?! "I feel guilty that your mother and I failed you the first time and didn't pass along the "big boobs" gene, so now I'll make it up to you." Or is the message, "You should be insecure! You're flat! You'll never catch a boy looking like that!"

The other problem with getting this surgery at such a young age is that you will inevitably need to get a second surgery. Although, one may think that fake boobs void out the law of gravity, they don't. Gravity works the same on all women.

Now I would say that most women get a boob job for one of three reasons.

1. To reconstruct their breasts after surgery for breast cancer.
2. To feel more feminine or attractive and eliminate insecurities about their body.
3. A man has requested that she get the surgery.

The first one is obviously necessary and I find no moral dilemma with it. The second is where most people find moral ambiguity. Here is my problem with the second reason. We have a society that degrades women so much that a woman elects to undergo major surgery with many risks in order to fit the model of a perfect female figure. I just don't feel good about women electing to do something so painful when they should have never felt pressured into it in the first place.

This brings us to the third point. The man's request. I remember when I was young, a couple of my mom's friends got breast implants "to save their marriage." Look, if the success or happiness of your marriage depends on the wife's boobs, well, you've got serious problems. You picked the wrong man! Now, they may say we have equal rights, but tell me this, do you think I would ever ask my husband to undergo major surgery and enlarge a body part with the possibility that he would lose sensation in that body part? What man would agree to that? He wouldn't. Yes that's right, many women lose sensation in their breasts after the surgery. On top of that, you can no longer breastfeed. Breastfeeding provides your child with so many health benefits! I'm not even going to get started on that one.

Well, obviously this surgery is a personal decision but it makes me sad that it is becoming so common place that we will forget what the natural female body looks like. I hope none will be offending by my honest opinion. I know many friends that have seen the confidence a woman has gained after such a surgery. However, my problem is the fact that she ever felt a lack of confidence without it. And that my friends is the real issue.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Being funny isn't very ladylike

So, a couple months back I found out that some of my favorite comedic female TV personalities were lesbians, Sue Sylvester from Glee, Wanda Sykes....Well, I started to think, all the funny women are lesbians. I tried to think of funny women who were straight and couldn't think of a single one! Then it dawned on me, "Oh no! I'm funny! People probably think I'm a lesbian!" This explains a lot. It explains the decrease in dates. It explains why gay men try to date me when trying to hide their sexuality. These guys are thinking, "This is a win-win. People will think we're both straight!" Problem? Yeah, I am straight! Does our society think that humor is purely a more masculine characteristic? I've always considered myself feminine but maybe I just never realized that being funny isn't very ladylike.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Candy, plants, and psychos

The candy man came by again and gave me some peanut butter m&m's. Yum! I guess when he walked outside he talked to my coworker and said the following: "I talked to her one night when she was the only working and I asked her what her age is. She's 25. If she had said 27 or 28, it could have maybe worked." My coworker told me she was thinking, "No, it wouldn't have worked then either!" Well, if he wants to think he is refusing to date me that's just fine. I'm kind of relieved.

Well, I've decided that is time that I care for a growing, living thing and don't worry I'm not pregnant. I bought plants! I don't like pets but they shed and smell bad and have to be potty trained so they are not an option for me. But plants are pretty, and these smell good and taste yummy! I bought some herbs. And I didn't realize there would be a variety of each herb. The basil was easy to tell, cause I could pick out the right kind by smell but the sage was a different story. It didn't smell...so I had try it. Yep, I snatched off one of those leaves and licked it a couple times. And ding, ding we had a winner! So, I hope they live so I can cook delicious meals.

So... we had a renter whose credit card declined when she returned the car. My coworker called her to get payment. The lady yelled at my coworker and told her that she hated her several times. Then she called back and told me to tell my coworker sorry and that she would be nice to me because she had taken some tranquilizers. (What the heck?) She asked for her balance and I asked if she had her contract and she was like, "No, no. I'm trying to forget you. You all are horrible." Then I told her the balance and she starts freaking out that she can't pay it by Friday and then tells me that she is going to blow out her brains and asks if that will satisfy me. I was dumbfounded. What kind of sick person does she think I am? Who would someone's suicide satisfy? I thought to myself, "who would kill themselves over having $600 go to collections." This confusion cause me to not respond and then she asks, "Are you there? Did you hang up?" I responded, "No, I'm still here. I just don't know how to respond to that." Then she tells me that I can just send "the evil collections" after her and that I can send my mafia or better yet I can send the real mafia. Then at the end she says how she is going to transfer funds and then take more tranquilizers! CRAZY!

So, that's the update on my life.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Golf is not a sport, it's a game

Let me preface this by saying that I actually think golf is an enjoyable activity. However, I want to take this opportunity to clarify a misconception about golf.

Golf is not a sport.

Now, what is a sport? Webster's dictionary defines a sport as "an active diversion requiring physical exertion and competition." Now obviously, there is an element of competition to golf, but physical exertion? Get real. I'm not saying golf doesn't require talent but when your heart rate doesn't rise, it's not a sport.

There is no running. You drive a motor vehicle that can't go over 10 miles per hour. This activity is not even dangerous. The only chance of injury is if you are golfing in Florida and decide to stick your hand in a pond to retrieve your ball and find that an alligator has decided your arm is his afternoon snack.

In addition, how can you call it a sport when most people on the golf course are "retired"? If you are too old to work an office job, don't tell me that you have the energy to engage daily in a sport. Oh wait, you don't. That's why they invented the golf cart because walking would be too rigorous.

I'm not alone in this. Even the Olympic committee does not consider it a sport. And if you can drink a beer while golfing, please tell me how it is a sport. You don't see a track star or a soccer player drinking a beer on the sidelines. You drink a beer while watching sports...not playing them. And just because Tiger Woods drinks a Gatorade while playing doesn't make it a sport. I can drink a Gatorade on my couch, does that make watching TV a sport? I think not.

Golf is a game like croquet, and I don't know anyone who thinks croquet is a sport. And just because it is in the sports section of a high school yearbook doesn't mean a thing. Cheerleading is also in that section. Think about that...

Girl Talk: Furniture 101

Names will not be disclosed for the other parties privacy.

C: I need to get a couch
Me: Yes, you do. A couch is a prerequisite to a boyfriend.

Weeks later...

(sitting in C's apartment on her roommate's couch. Her roommate is moving out soon)

M: Are these your couches?
C: It's my roommate's couches.
M: Is she divorced? Divorced people have couches.
Me: Uh, I have couches. What are you saying?


C: I don't have room for a couch, so I'm getting a love seat.
Me: A love sac is a prerequisite to a hook up.
M: How about you get a sectional?
Me: A 'sex'tional? Sounds like foreplay to me...

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I wrote this song probably about 5 years ago. This song is about my relationship with my dad. What I like about this song is that I'm sure other people can relate to a lot of the feelings I share in the song although it was such a personal struggle at the time I wrote it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Here she is...

So, this is a song that I actually started writing on my mission. I don't know why but the chorus came to me while showering one day. I wrote down the lyrics planning to finish the song when I got home and had a guitar in hand. I love this song because most of my songs are about relationships that didn't work out but this one is about (cross my fingers) one that will work out.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Dog Movies

What is it with the dog movies? Now granted I didn't grow up with a dog so I have no strong affinity towards dogs, but when I go to a movie I don't want to see a dog superhero or even Lassie. I'm just not interested in these stories about dogs. So the other day my friend and I rented a movie and we were watching the previews and this dog movie was advertised. The movie looks absolutely stupid but it's based on a true story so I guess a shouldn't knock it. The name of the movie was Hachi. What kind of dog name is that? Hachi sounds like Japanese martial arts to me.

Anyway, after they showed scenes with the dog who appears? RiChArD GeAr?!?! Really? Have you really lossed all your sex appeal that you are now in dog movies? And, to add to that...it never even made it to theaters...why? Because people don't want to see movies about a dog! Sure we like dogs because we can play outside with them and pet their soft hair but who wants to sit for two hours and watch a dog. Dogs like to watch us...not the other way around.

Well, I just needed to put that out there. And, although Richard doesn't read my blog I just have to let him know that Hachi was a bad career move. Sorry, Richie. Just not feeling it.

Monday, May 3, 2010

I grew up in Eden

I grew up in Eden. It’s been about two years since I’ve been home to St. Louis. Sometimes you don’t know how much you’ve missed a place until you've returned to it. I’ve always known that I have strong attachments to people but never realized how attached I could grow to a place.
I got into St. Louis pretty late and as I sat on my suitcase waiting for my step dad to pick me up, I felt the most peaceful calmness settle over me as the humid air blew through my hair. It smelled like home. The next morning I woke up and decided to go for a run like so many times before. I stepped outside and I just wanted to cry. It was so beautiful, so green. I felt like I had returned to the Garden of Eden.

Now, most people probably think of St. Louis as just another city but it is such a beautiful place. The spring turns the grass and trees as green as a rain forest. The fall is the most beautiful death you could behold, and as the crisp air pulls the leaves off the trees, it takes your breath with it. The winter is mysteriously unpredictable but when snow covers the forest of trees, you feel as though God has laid a white blanket over you to keep you warm until the spring comes again.

St. Louis is not just another city, it's a little piece of heaven on earth.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The 11th commandment

Thou shalt not covet thy co-workers lunch.

So at my new office, the break room aromas always float into the office. Every now and then, the smells are gross but more often than not, those lunches heating up in the communal microwave drive my taste buds wild! I start to feel disappointed that my lunch is just a sandwich...what are these leftovers my coworkers are reheating?! Then, for one reason or another I have to enter the other room and what do I behold? LEAN CUISINE! I've been deceived!!!! Here I've been coveting this aromatic meal only to find that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! While these little diet meals smell scrumptious, I know from personal experience that they do not taste the way they smell. In fact, they lack taste at all. So of course what does Rebecca do when there is no flavor? Add salt. But there is already so much sodium to preserve these frozen meals. There goes my heart.

By the way...how long have these been frozen? And once you eat that little "meal" you see why it's a diet food. Cause I'm not satisfied! Didn't taste good. Still not full. I need two more of those to feel full. Maybe I'm high maintenance but on this there will be no compromise. I will never pretend to be content with such a lunch. However, it is comforting to know that although these smells make me jealous, I can rest assured that I've got the real thing...real food.

And since we are on the subject of food. Let's talk about my stalkers. The first stalker is actually a stocker. Yes, I'm talking about the guy who stocks the vending machine. I thought it was just an old man thinking a younger girl was sweet but turns out this 50 year old really does want to take me out. Luckily he told my coworker that his cutoff is 30. He has told everyone in the office that he likes me. I'm half his age. Gross! The truth of the matter is, I attract creepy old men. And all this time I've been wondering why the stars just aren't aligning for me. It's because I'm not creepy and old yet! I feel so much better now that I know.

Second stalker I've never met. He actually stalks my sister at the grocery store in Texas. She told him she had a younger sister and he jumped on that. The other day he caught her at the store and started asking her about her weekend and when she told him she went to her sister's wedding he looked devastated. The crazy thing is that he has never met me or even seen a picture. Now I know my personality has an aura that can reach far away places but Texas is pushing it. Now, my sister is super cute but that is a little presumptuous for him to think that I am just because she is! He was relieved to find out that it was not me who married.

Why do food men like me? Is it because I love to cook? Is it because I love to eat? All I know is if one of those guys tries to give me a lean cuisine. he's gonna get a punch in the face!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Always a bridesmaid?

I just attended my younger sister's wedding and next week I will be attending my best friend's wedding. Now, single girls often joke at a time like this, "Oh, I'm always the bridesmaid, never the bride." So, when this thought popped in my head last week, I thought, "Well shoot, it could be worse. It could be: 'always the bride, never the bridesmaid.' Now that would really suck. How many times could you be the bride? How many times could you get it wrong?" Unfortunately, some people do know the answer to this question.

Weddings are interesting for the single woman. My favorite activity is the catching of the bouquet. I always try to avoid this activity. When I was little I thought it was fun but now it's just awkward. There is a reason I only played softball for one year in the first grade. I can't catch. Your whole life you grow up being teased, "you throw like a girl!" or "you can't catch!" And then what does society do? Tells you that you better catch this odd shaped bouquet of flowers in 4 inch heals with 20 other girls pushing you out of the way OR you might not get married. What the heck?
Well, I did participate but luckily it wasn't thrown anywhere near me. Not because I don't want to get married, but because how embarrassing if I dropped it! Well, my sister threw it too high and it hit the ceiling and some little girl picked it up off the floor. My cute niece was so distraught that she didn't catch the bouquet that she started to cry. Then she came up to me and asked that I would throw my bouquet to her when I get married. So cute.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Complex Candy and the New Office

So, I just recently transferred offices. I now work at the airport location for Enterprise. It's been fun to go back to the airport cause I know quite a few people there but I also get to meet new people. Today, I felt just like in the new girl in grade school. The new girl was always instantly popular and everyone wanted to be friends with her. Well, today all these men kept talking to me. I thought to myself, if I was ugly, they'd probably just say welcome and go about their business. Now, I may sound vain for saying that but the way you look really does change the way others relate to you. If a man is taller or wearing a suit, you automatically treat him with more respect. You are more likely to have a longer conversation with someone you find attractive than one you don't. Now, I'm not going to use my looks to manipulate others but today they did persuade one man into giving me some gifts.

My favorite guy today was the man who stocks the vending machine. He kept asking me about myself and he gave me all this free food: hostess cupcakes, skittles, twizzlers, and gum. Now this was a little creepy cause he is probably 50 or 60 years old. Now, these gifts might win over another girl but these gifts were not my favorite. \

I hate Hostess. Hostess is a mockery of the art of baking. Those are not cupcakes, impostors! I can't believe people actually put those in their mouth and think, "this tastes good." Now, I am so utterly amazed by the human body but I can't believe that such a magnificent creation accepts hostess products and does not utterly reject them through violent vomiting. Consequently, I gave the cupcakes to a friend. I guess that was mean. I should have given them to someone I don't like.

The candy. Now, of course they couldn't be regular skittles or twizzlers. For some reason candy manufacturers think, "Our product is awesome. Let's do something crazy to it!" Okay, the chewy is not better, the sour is not better, the dark chocolate is not better, the white chocolate is not better. The original way is the best, that's why you did it that way in the first place.

The twizzlers were wack. It was like sour ooze in the middle of a crappy piece of licorice.

On the other hand, the skittles had some merit. It was fizzle sour tropical skittles. So it was your typical tropical skittle covered with sour pop rock stuff. You remember the wonder of pop rocks? It was like a party in my mouth! But the whole experience was confusing. At first it's exciting, this little piece of candy makes your tongue fizzle, but then you taste the sour, and you're thinking, "what the heck just happened?" Then, finally you taste the skittle and you're shocked by the familiar taste. Now, at this point you think, "uh, that was weird. I don't think I like these." But the next thing you know, you have another skittle in your mouth. You've been so confused by the first try, you've got to make sure you don't like them. So, you keep eating them. You share a few with your friends to see their reactions. You think, "Should I like these, should I not like these? Will my friends like these? Will they say I'm crazy? I don't know how I feel about these skittles! I need validation! Can anyone support me liking this ambiguous form of sugar that reacts with the saliva on my tongue?"

So, yes, I hate this new candy thing. And that old man has no chance with me now. Women like flowers and chocolates for a reason. They are simple. That's why we like men, they are simple. I am complex...do I really need to add to that with candy? I already have a difficult time making decisions, don't confuse me anymore!