Reflections on the Lazy River

Yesterday was the last day of Lazy River’s 2010 season. I wanted to share a few special memories.

The Old Man

The old man faithfully attended every Saturday. He would wear very short swim trunks, more like running shorts. The disturbing thing about them was not even the length. It was that the color matched his skin tone. So, from far away you thought the old man was naked. Despite how disturbing this visual was, we persevered and continued to go to the pool.

The Inappropriate Man

Yesterday was special because I did what Rebecca always does, talk too loud. One of my friends was telling me that the old man came in a different swim suit. Then I shouted, “Oh my gosh! Did you see that man in the bright orange Speedo?” Right at that moment, we floated right past him. I was embarrassed because I’m sure he heard but maybe next season he’ll come in something a little less flashy. PS- he was there with his 10 year daughter. Poor child!

Inspiration

The lazy river has also been a place of inspiration for me and my friends. I’m sure you have all heard that shallow people talk about things, normal people talk about people, but great people talk about ideas. Well, the lazy river is where discussions about things and people evolved to a discussion of ideas. Now, when boys go to the pool, they don’t check out other boys, but girls play a game called, “real boobs, fake boobs?” In this game we check out women who have big boobs and try to determine if they are real or fake. Often comments are made like, “boobs that size can’t be that shape” or “those boobs sit way too high for her age.” Then we were discussing how boobs are not that bad. They are actually in probably the most convenient place God could have but them. I suggested the back may have been a better place (have you ever tried to play golf? Sometimes they get in the way). My friends quickly corrected me that if they were on the back it would be difficult to breast feed. Good point. So then I suggest that rather than have a boob job, they should make detachable boobs. Wouldn’t it be great if you could take them off to run and do sports? I thought I was really on to something when someone suggested the inflatable boob. What if you had this little pump that could inflate and deflate your boobs? Kind of like the sleep number mattress. You could control the firmness and everything! Also, they could advertise it like, “Do you have trouble finding clothes to fit you? What if you could you change to fit the clothes?” Shopping for women can be tedious. The dress or shirt doesn’t fit because your boobs are too small or too big. Your buttons pull or pop off because you can’t find a shirt that fits both your shoulders and your chest size. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just adjust yourself? Anyway, I’m thinking we might need to get a copyright or patent this idea. This could really go big.

So, thank you lazy river for all the sun, fun, and inspiration. I’ll see you again in March.