I'm bringing it up

So about that equal sign thing...yeah, let's talk about that. I got on Facebook yesterday to see lots of equal signs. Then I noticed several people posting links to statements from the LDS church and the Catholic church. Then I saw signs of a man and woman. Then inequality signs, and all I can feel is a pit in my stomach. Do I find comfort in the statements from my church? Not really, if I am being honest. I guess this is why they say to never discuss religion or politics. This is why all Americans advocate for separation of church and state...or do we? What is separation of church and state and does it even exist? I attended Texas Tech University for my graduate degree. They pray at meetings sometimes. They have a Christmas Tree and Christmas lights every year. It is a state funded school. I know I'm in Texas, and things are a little different down here so no one minds. However, this would never have been okay in St. Louis.

If I am being honest, there are several things that influence the way I interact with others. My race, culture, family of origin, economic status, economic status of my parents, education level, personality, friends, my husband, therapy clients, and religion are among them. If I pretend that these things don't impact me, I would be lying. I would consider myself a religious and spiritual person. Religion and spirituality are a huge part of how I see the world. How I see the world determines how I feel about political issues. Religion can never be separated from politics. End. Of. Story.

So, when your religion produces a public statement about a political view, what does that mean for you? I don't know. Does this mean that I have to agree with the political view? I have seen people on Facebook feeds question the loyalty or conviction of church members of both the LDS and Catholic churches if they support gay marriage. That seems judgmental and way out of line.

Now, I do not understand the workings of homosexuality. I don't know if it is biological, emotional, mental, and/or developmental. But it is real. It doesn't make sense to me that a man should sexually desire a man (or a woman desire a woman) when physically a man's penis was made to fit in a woman's vagina for the purpose to procreate. I personally know the joy that comes with a sexual relationship in a heterosexual marriage. I know the joy of creating and birthing a child that is made up of mine and my husband's genes. So, I have followed the commandments and I can tell others that this has made me happy. But I can't legislate someone else to live a life similar to mine. Isn't that a theocracy?

I have worked with homosexual and transgender clients. They are really not that different from people who identify as heterosexuals. They struggle with depression and anxiety just the same. They long for loving and accepting relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. And as I sit with them in my office, my heart breaks because they never chose this. Many of us struggle with problems we didn't choose but we all have to live with the cards we have been dealt. One person wrote on Facebook about how the equality of marriage movement is about gaining acceptance and not as much about equal rights. I agree. Imagine if you were marginalized. Imagine that you found the love of your life in the same sex and you don't know why you desire that, but you do. Imagine that someone says, "you can't get married because your relationship will desecrate the sanctity of my relationship." If you are married, imagine that someone said that you couldn't marry your spouse. What would your life be like then? You can say it is different because you are heterosexual and you are obeying the commandments but I'm asking you to only think about feelings for just a minute. I'm no spokesperson for gay marriage but I truly wonder how many people have even made a true attempt in their minds, in their hearts, for one second, to walk in the shoes of a homosexual.

I learned a lot about myself in my two years of graduate school. I became painfully aware of what a privileged life I have lived. I'm white and was raised in an upper-class neighborhood. I've met with people of many different races, religions, economic classes, etc. It has opened my heart and my mind. In addition to my work experience, I married a man who was born in Mexico. So now I'm way more aware of race than I used to be. The funny thing is, I'm still not that aware. The other day, I asked Isaac, "Do you think people look at us when we are out in public because we are an interracial couple?" Isaac emphatically answered, "Of course, I see it all the time." Being white and never really having been discriminated against, I had not even noticed. And to be honest, if people looked at us, I thought they probably just thought we were a cute couple. But racism is real and alive in ways that many people don't see. I'm sure I will see it more as my children attend school and grow up. Why would I ever want anyone to feel marginalized or that they are not afforded the same opportunities for ANY reason ,be it race, sexual orientation, religion or the like?

One argument I do not understand is that allowing gay marriage destroys the sanctity of the institution of marriage. The definition of sanctity is "the quality or condition of being considered sacred." My marriage is sacred because Isaac and I were married before God. My marriage is sacred because Isaac and I made a commitment to each other for eternity. My marriage is sacred because every day Isaac and I make sacrifices for the good of one another. We sacrifice our time, our wants, our money, and our pride for the betterment of our union and family. NO ONE can take that away from us because we decide EVERYDAY if our marriage is sacred. I see heterosexual couples enter marriage frivolously.  Divorce is rampant whether you are Mormon, Christian, or any other religion. We desecrate marriage when we lie, cheat, disrespect our spouse, or allow our addictions to take priority over our families. There are many ways one can desecrate a marriage, so I refuse to blame homosexuals for the desecration of traditional marriage. Heterosexuals have done it to themselves. Each individual is responsible for the way he/she treats her relationships. No one else is to blame for that.

Another thing I don't understand about the "sacred" argument is, then why don't we have laws punishing those who have sex outside the bonds of marriage? That is a doctrinal belief. Sex is sacred. Sex creates life. Sex is a beautiful expression of love and union. But two people having a one night stand doesn't take away the sacredness of my sexual relationship with my husband. That is their choice. Now I wouldn't recommend having a one night stand but in the end they have the right to act according to their own conscience.

I didn't write this to change others' opinions or political beliefs, and I would love to hear others opinions. I just wanted to discuss some of the thoughts in my own head. I believe that true religion requires charity and in my eyes charity requires empathy. So regardless of political beliefs, I hope that each person is truly seeking to understand why this movement might be so important to a gay couple.