The Bump it

I am so glad I created this blog so that I can use it as a forum to discuss important political, social, and even grooming issues.

Today, I think it is imperative that we talk about "the Bump it." Now some of you might not be familiar with"the Bump it." Some might only recognize the Bump it by the name of the off brand item, "High on Hair." I don't know why they thought the name "High on Hair" was marketable, or even clever. It only made me think, "Nope, if I'm gonna get high, marijuana still sounds like the better choice...and that's illegal." This "High on Hair" should be illegal! But you know what? "Bump it" isn't a great name either. To me, it sounds like a suggestive dance move. . . in fact, I think I've heard that term in a rap song.

So . . . for those of you who have missed the infomercial attractively portraying this hair piece and what it can do for your hair, I will enlighten you. Look at this girl to the left. She actually is a very cute girl, nice face. But what's up with the shape of her head? Did she get drunk and fall out of a moving car and bump her head on the cement? How else do you get a bump that large on the back of your head? Well, no, this is actually something some women consider attractive. If you have a normal shaped head and your hair falls naturally, you could be endangering your chances of getting picked up on. Yes, a man could look at you and think, "Her head looks...round. She has a nice face but her hair is so...flat. I like a girl who wears a bump it. I just love when we make out and it it begins to get a bit more heated. I start running my hands through her hair, and then like digging for treasure, my finger tips run into the Bump it!Yes! Yes! Yes!"

My favorite is this next girl. She has a little bit of the Sarah Palin look going on. Look at her confidence as she points those index fingers; she knows she's got it going on!

Now the first time I saw the Bump it, I was confused. I was sitting in church, attempting to think about Jesus and became distracted by the girl sitting in front me. I thought, "What is up with her hair? Is that the shape of her head? If that's her hair, did she do that on purpose? Does she know I can't see anything because her hair is so tall?" Well, I thought, okay, one misguided woman. But then I saw another, and hers looked worse! Then I was at the gym, sweating, my hair a hot mess and I see a girl on a treadmill. Yes! It was the one from church! And she was wearing the Bump it! At the gym! Now when you work out you shouldn't wear jewelry. I also think a hard plastic thing in your hair could also be hazardous. But maybe that's just me. . .

Now some of you might think that I'm judgmental, but I firmly believe in the motto, "don't knock it till you try it." Yes, I have worn a Bump it. I even wore it in public. A good friend gave me one (actually it is the "High on Hair" brand) as a gag gift and I decided to try it out at a party. Well, no one got my number and by the end of the night, the plastic spokes were sticking up out of my hair. Success story, I think not.

Top ten reasons to not own a Bump it
10. Big hair was cool in the 80's, it's 2010.
9. No matter how many bump its you use, the polygamists still have higher hair than you ever will.
8. It's actually a little painful to wear, kind of like those stiff headbands.
7. People will talk about you behind your hair, I mean behind your back.
6. Guys like big butts, not big hair. I've never heard a song say, "I like big hair and I cannot lie..."

5. People wonder about the shape of your head

4. You block others' vision

3. You have created extra space where bugs can create a home

2. You are living a lie...you do not have that much hair

1. You have purchased something sold on an infomercial