The 11th commandment

Thou shalt not covet thy co-workers lunch.

So at my new office, the break room aromas always float into the office. Every now and then, the smells are gross but more often than not, those lunches heating up in the communal microwave drive my taste buds wild! I start to feel disappointed that my lunch is just a sandwich...what are these leftovers my coworkers are reheating?! Then, for one reason or another I have to enter the other room and what do I behold? LEAN CUISINE! I've been deceived!!!! Here I've been coveting this aromatic meal only to find that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! While these little diet meals smell scrumptious, I know from personal experience that they do not taste the way they smell. In fact, they lack taste at all. So of course what does Rebecca do when there is no flavor? Add salt. But there is already so much sodium to preserve these frozen meals. There goes my heart.

By the way...how long have these been frozen? And once you eat that little "meal" you see why it's a diet food. Cause I'm not satisfied! Didn't taste good. Still not full. I need two more of those to feel full. Maybe I'm high maintenance but on this there will be no compromise. I will never pretend to be content with such a lunch. However, it is comforting to know that although these smells make me jealous, I can rest assured that I've got the real thing...real food.

And since we are on the subject of food. Let's talk about my stalkers. The first stalker is actually a stocker. Yes, I'm talking about the guy who stocks the vending machine. I thought it was just an old man thinking a younger girl was sweet but turns out this 50 year old really does want to take me out. Luckily he told my coworker that his cutoff is 30. He has told everyone in the office that he likes me. I'm half his age. Gross! The truth of the matter is, I attract creepy old men. And all this time I've been wondering why the stars just aren't aligning for me. It's because I'm not creepy and old yet! I feel so much better now that I know.

Second stalker I've never met. He actually stalks my sister at the grocery store in Texas. She told him she had a younger sister and he jumped on that. The other day he caught her at the store and started asking her about her weekend and when she told him she went to her sister's wedding he looked devastated. The crazy thing is that he has never met me or even seen a picture. Now I know my personality has an aura that can reach far away places but Texas is pushing it. Now, my sister is super cute but that is a little presumptuous for him to think that I am just because she is! He was relieved to find out that it was not me who married.

Why do food men like me? Is it because I love to cook? Is it because I love to eat? All I know is if one of those guys tries to give me a lean cuisine. he's gonna get a punch in the face!